Re: Funny

[SD]

Are you drunk?

[SD]

Firstly, no, since you ask - I don't get the joke. Secondly, no, I don't have a problem with you. But if thinking I do is what makes you happy - that's cool too.

[AG]

actually i don't get it either

[SD]

actually i don't get it either

Glad it's not just me

[=RS=]

George Clooney has agreed to make a new film about Gary Glitter......... oh she eleven

[craij]

So this hunter, Rictor, goes into the woods to hunt a bear and takes with him his trusty 22-gauge rifle.

After a little while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, though, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps this guy on the shoulder and says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can either rip your throat out and eat you alive, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'll do you in the ass."

The hunter figures that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers, bends over, and the bear delivers on his promise.

After the bear leaves, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers into town vowing revenge.

He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear once again is gone. A moment later, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know what to do."

Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers and crawls back into town. Now he's really mad, so he buys himself a bazooka.

He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.

When the smoke clears this time, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You're not REALLY here for the hunting are you?"

[=RS=]

lol

[Gumby]

lmao craij!

[=RS=]

What do u call a Mexican man who had his car stolen???? ..... Carlos

[DEAN SINSTROM]

How does a squirrell keep his nuts dry?


He floats on his back.

[=RS=]

went to the doctors today with a bad back,he said ive got a Curvature of the spine,i think he might be wrong not sure but its just a hunch.

[SD]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,


"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!"
Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.


"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that,"


Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.


"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road,"
Explains the duck.


"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks..

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him


"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous,"


says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.


"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,


"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"


Says the duck.


"Where is it?"

"At the circus,"


Says the barman.

"The circus?"


Repeats the duck.

"That's right,"


Replies the barman.

"The circus?"


The duck asks again.




with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .
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"What the f... would they want with a plasterer??!"

[=RS=]

ghostly Silence

[doppio]

ok...here goes...

What's an innuendo?
(An italian suppository)

Slightly long.. but reminds me of my family!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOLYdONdRsc
(dont piss off italian mothers)

Have you heard about the Polish kamikaze pilot?
He flew 39 missions.

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."


A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."


Peace,
Doppio

[craij]

Too friggin' funny!

[=RS=]

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for his underpants The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

[=RS=]

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."

[=RS=]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car


Iknow there sad lol

[=RS=]

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f..king having that!"

[=RS=]

I grew up in a tough area. When i was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream then put a cherry on my head...

Yes... life was tough in the gateau