The Purina Diet

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The Purina Diet

Postby IriDeck » Tue Aug 26, 2008 16:57 UTC

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for Buster, my dog. I was at Wal-Mart and was waiting to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had...an elephant? So since I was extremely tired, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but was starting the Purina Diet again. I told her I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but had lost 50 pounds before I'd awakened in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her it was essentially a perfect diet and the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and every time you feel hungry, you simply eat one or two. The food is nutritionally complete and I was going to try it again. I have to mention that practically everyone in the line was enthralled by now.

Horrified, the woman asked me if I'd ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I'd stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit both of us.


I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.


Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby AG » Tue Aug 26, 2008 17:24 UTC

RIMSHOT!
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby ES*AllyMcBeal » Wed Aug 27, 2008 04:16 UTC

You're sick.

I like you.
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby Kitty » Wed Aug 27, 2008 04:30 UTC

My Kinda Man !! :DD :DD
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby Stacie » Wed Aug 27, 2008 04:37 UTC

(AkA)Kitty wrote:My Kinda Man !! :DD :DD

Nice joke.

I feed Kitty all kinds of good food for her cat, if you catch my drift.
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby Kitty » Wed Aug 27, 2008 07:42 UTC

Stacie wrote:
(AkA)Kitty wrote:My Kinda Man !! :DD :DD

Nice joke.

I feed Kitty all kinds of good food for her cat, if you catch my drift.


she got that right !!!
:DD :DD
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby paint » Wed Aug 27, 2008 22:25 UTC

Irideck is this where you got that that joke from. You make it sound like you talk to that woman. SAD



http://www.jumbojoke.com/the_purina_diet_899.html
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby AG » Wed Aug 27, 2008 22:29 UTC

paint wrote:Irideck is this where you got that that joke from. You make it sound like you talk to that woman. SAD



http://www.jumbojoke.com/the_purina_diet_899.html


lol i almost thought you were serious
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby Rictor » Thu Aug 28, 2008 01:26 UTC

I saw this come across a couple years ago as an email.

The way I remember it was that the guy ended up in intensive care from getting hit by a car while sitting on the curb and licking his balls.
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby IriDeck » Thu Sep 04, 2008 13:29 UTC

Nonsense...if I post anything here, it's not really me, guys. Nothing that funny happens to me in real life, since I don't usually talk to people. I'm anti-social in person, remember?

If, by some slim chance, it's a true story, I'll state as such. Otherwise, I'll leave the humour disclaimers off in the humour section.
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Re: The Purina Diet

Postby AG » Thu Sep 04, 2008 16:46 UTC

IriDeck wrote:Nonsense...if I post anything here, it's not really me, guys. Nothing that funny happens to me in real life, since I don't usually talk to people. I'm anti-social in person, remember?

If, by some slim chance, it's a true story, I'll state as such. Otherwise, I'll leave the humour disclaimers off in the humour section.


OH MY GOD DO YOU MEAN THAT THIS JOKE WASN'T ABOUT YOU
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