*** Off Topic posts II ***

Fun stuff

*** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Nov 02, 2008 09:37 UTC

Formally known as the "football diamond"

Looks like the upper hand is now on the other foot!

Off topic posts are a playground for the random element.
Stuff that you normally dont see anywhere else giving them a place to play.
All types of arbitrary, funny, sometimes interesting stuff that may be tough to easily post elsewhere.
Some may be totally senseless, like a football game on a baseball Diamond.

Random *Off-topic* stuff. Can be considered "off topic 2".
Last edited by Dambastrd on Thu Aug 23, 2012 09:29 UTC, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Topic name change
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Nov 02, 2008 09:40 UTC

The blue people of Troublesome Creek in Kentucky.
When the blue Fugates family say im feeling blue 99 percent of people would say dont worry it will get better. But what they are actually saying is that they "are" blue because of some wierd genetic disorder that is caused by the absence of the enzyme diaphorase which normally turns methemoglobin (blue) back to hemoglobin (red).

The treatment that was found was to give them a chemical called methylene blue, which is a blue colored dye. It worked.

So..........to turn blue people back to a normal color you make them drink a blue dye!

Huh??
8-)
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Nov 02, 2008 09:43 UTC

On Wednesday Aug 6th, ABC'c Nightline had a show detailing that there is a school that gives tips on how to be on a reality show. Do you also see the paradox in this?

I guess this means that:
People need training on how to look real, or there is a shortage of real people or TV has redefined reality or reality is scripted or.......

8-)
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Nov 02, 2008 09:45 UTC

Cairo Illinois is more south than Richmond virginia.

America and England - Two countries separated by the same laguage.

Nevada has more chuches and chapels per capita than any other state in the union. Sin washing?

Fed - food eaten and digesting

Most toilets flush in the note of E flat.

Homophobia is gay. (think about this for a minute....lol)

Ergophobia (an abnormal and persistent fear of work) sometimes known as when you feel like drowning your boss and firebombing your computer.

Dependent personality disorder - I think therefore I am, as long as its ok with you. Or is it, I think therefore I am.....I think...... Is that Ok?

8-)
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Nov 02, 2008 09:58 UTC

Ostentatious:
Marked by outward, often extravagant display.

Grandiose:
More complicated or elaborate than necessary; overblown: a grandiose scheme.

6 Million Dollar Home theatre.
Image

This is a picture of a 6 million dollar home theatre. If you click the link, you will find out that it uses components like a Sony Professional digital projector normally seen in commercial venues like planetarium and museum exhibition, command and control, computer simulation, scientific research, defense, as well as for commercial digital cinema. It outputs 4096 by 2160 pixels which is 4 times Hi Def resolution (!). It costs $100,000+. The lens is a $17-19,000 necessary extra , the replacememt bulb is $3,900+. The theatre has 11,315 watts across 8.8 channels (eight??) driven by 30 Mcintosh amps at $6,000 each. Additionally there are 5 other high end amps. All these amps drive 16 subs, 8 towers and 3 center channels. You can see all the rest on this page: 6 million dollar HT

The electronics aren't in the room, the theatre electronics "are" the room and you share sitting space with all of the components (like electronics in a tv cabinent) that make it all work. Only for the truly dedicated. If you win the lottery and want to go wayyy, wayyy, wayyy over the top, he will make one for you. I just won the lottery and need a really big home theatre link

Hearing protection and welding goggles extra. Expect to need hearing aids eventually.

8-)
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:15 UTC

21 ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED WITH COWS

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

8-)
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby mordockdotcom » Sun Nov 02, 2008 16:55 UTC

lmoa... cows
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Re: *** The Football Diamond ***

Postby Stacie » Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:17 UTC

A topic about being off the normal topic? Awesome. I've nearly filled the 'active' topics with my names. I recommend someone screenshot this shit and then close the forums down to prove that I am truly an epic troll in the middle of the night.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Mon Nov 10, 2008 17:29 UTC

A new life form has been created called a "Rhesus Peanut Buttercup".
It was created by splicing together a Primate, a Legume and a Flower.

Inside info has it that the group has completed work on a butter finger.
It was not stated who stuck whos chocolate in whos peanutbutter.

8-)



If you heard this one before, sorry. I still think its funny.
Nosy lil bastrd aint ya

:)
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Mon Nov 10, 2008 17:39 UTC

Da AuxDaBond Society's Strange and Interesting Jailbird geography.
(For simplicity "Jail" ....etc = Corrections)

They have been seen at:

Trinidad Correction facility and Arkansas Valley Correctional in Colorado
Brooklyn Correction facility and York Correctional in Connecticut
Washington Corrections and Hollywood Corrections also Panama city work release (operated by Washington State) in Florida.
Washington State Correctional and Coffee Corrections in Georgia.
Maimi Correctional in Indiana.
Washington correctional in Louisana.
Camp Georgetown Corrections, Orleans Corrections, Wyoming Corrections and Washington Correctionals in New York.
Lebanon Correctional and London Correctional in Ohio.
Pine grove Indiana Correctional and Dallas Correctional in Pennsylvania.
Bridgeport Correctional and Cleveland Correctional and also at the Roach prison (not motel) in Texas.
Woodstock Corrections in Vermont (not New York).
Ohio County Corrections in West Virginia.

Interesting facts:
Texas house their psychiatric patients at "Jesters IV". Ain't nothing funny, they lock dem crazy fools up.
(They're comming to take me away ha ha - http://www.songfacts.com/lyrics.php?findsong=675)
Washington has 15 facilities but only 4 with Washington in its name.
Every facility in Wyoming has Wyoming in its name.
There is a Prairie dog (Prairie du Chien) Corrections in Wisconson, no pets allowed.

Considering there seems to be no gender mixing, how they reproduce is one of the unsolved Jailbird mysteries.

8-)
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Gumby » Mon Nov 10, 2008 19:28 UTC

HOW I SOLVE PROBLEMS =)
--
Image
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby QueenKimmy » Tue Nov 11, 2008 04:06 UTC

Gumby wrote:HOW I SOLVE PROBLEMS =)
--
[ Image ]


lovin it.



:fart:
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Tue Nov 11, 2008 08:42 UTC

Fucking ShamWow!
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Tue Nov 11, 2008 21:17 UTC


Support bacteria, its the only culture some people have.

Natural enzyme solution - spit (saliva)

The wheel is somehow turning but the hampster died.

The hampster is there but the wheel isnt turning.

Did u ever blow bubbles when you were a little kid? Yeah.
Well hes back in town and is looking foward to seeing you.

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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Infinity » Tue Nov 11, 2008 21:39 UTC

two guys are hunting in the woods...

Guy1: Hey man i can see your house from here
Guy2: Dude shutup
Guy1: OMG your wifes cheating on you
guy2 flips out, and takes guy1 scope to see for himself, then throws the gun back at guy1
Guy2: That fucking hooker, shoot him in his dick and shoot her in the head
guy1 chuckles
Guy1: I can get that in one shot!
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Wed Nov 12, 2008 04:21 UTC

My goal is to pass Dyn's post cost to be the most inactive yet loudest Vogon player on the forums. That sexually excites me.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Wed Nov 12, 2008 04:23 UTC

Stacie wrote:My goal is to pass Dyn's post cost to be the most inactive yet loudest Vogon player on the forums. That sexually excites me.

Until Dyn does something evil to my post count.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby ES*AllyMcBeal » Wed Nov 12, 2008 13:21 UTC

Pangrams!
------------------------
Six javelins thrown by the quick savages whizzed forty paces beyond the mark.
The explorer was frozen in his big kayak just after making queer discoveries.
The public was amazed to view the quickness and dexterity of the juggler.
While making deep excavations, we found some quaint bronze jewelery.
We quickly seized the black axle and just saved it from going past him.
This job requires extra pluck and zeal from every young wage earner.
My help squeezed in and joined the weavers again before six o'clock.
The juke box music puzzled a gentle visitor from a quaint valley town.
I found some quaint bronze jewelry while making deep excavations.
We dislike to exchange job lots of sizes varying from a quarter up.
Whenever the black fox jumped, the squirrel gazed suspiciously.
A quart jar of oil mixed with zinc oxide makes a very bright paint.
Back in my quaint garden, jaunty zinnias vie with flaunting phlox.
Astronaut Quincy B. Zack defies gravity with six jet fuel pumps.
How piqued gymnasts levelled six jumping razorback frogs.
We promptly judged antique ivory buckles for the next prize.
Sixty zippers were quickly picked from the woven jute bag.
Crazy Fredericka bought many very exquisite opal jewels.
Just keep examining every low bid quoted for zinc etchings.
John Prady, give me a black walnut box of quite small size.
My faxed joke won a pager in the cable TV quiz show.
Six big devils from Japan quickly forgot how to waltz.
My girl wove six dozen plaid jackets before she quit.
Cozy lummox gives smart squid who asks for job pen.
Adjusting quiver and bow, Zompyc killed the fox.
Woven silk pyjamas exchanged for blue quartz.
Go pack my box with five dozen crazy jonquils.
Jump by vow of quick, lazy strength to Oxford.
The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.
The jay, pig, fox, zebra and my wolves quack!
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.
Few quips galvanized the mock jury box.
Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.
The five boxing wizards jump quickly.
How quickly daft jumping zebras vex!
Two driven jocks help fax my big quiz.
Bright vixens jump; dozy fowl quack.
Quick jigs for waltz vex bad nymph.
Quick wafting zephyrs vex bold Jim.
Quick zephyrs blow, vexing daft Jim.
Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.
Waltz, bad nymph, for quick jigs vex.
Brick quiz whangs jumpy veldt fox.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby ES*AllyMcBeal » Wed Nov 12, 2008 13:22 UTC

Stacie wrote:My goal is to pass Dyn's post cost to be the most inactive yet loudest Vogon player on the forums. That sexually excites me.

You must be fun at parties!
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Wed Nov 12, 2008 13:39 UTC

ES*AllyMcBeal wrote:
Stacie wrote:My goal is to pass Dyn's post cost to be the most inactive yet loudest Vogon player on the forums. That sexually excites me.

You must be fun at parties!

You know it.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Nov 20, 2008 07:28 UTC

Pangrams2

Arabic:
نص حكيم له سر قاطع وذو شأن عظيم مكتوب على ثوب أخضر ومغلف بجلد أزرق
A wise text which has an absolute secret and great importance, written on a green tissue and covered with blue leather

Japanese
いろはにほへと ちりぬるを わかよたれそ つねならむ うゐのおくやま けふこえて あさきゆめみし ゑひもせす
色は匂へど 散りぬるを 我が世誰ぞ 常ならむ 有為の奥山 今日越えて 浅き夢見じ 酔ひもせず(ん)
The poem Iroha uses all 47 classical kana characters exactly once, and it comes in the form of a poem. (The characters ゐ and ゑ are obsolete in modern Japanese.) Iroha is so classically entrenched that any modern construction of a Japanese pangram in classical form is called iroha-uta

Latin
Sic surgens, dux, zelotypos quam karus haberis
Includes the letters k, y and z, used for words derived from Greek, but not the letters j, v or w, consonants that evolved from the vowels i and u.

Lithuanian:
Įlinkdama fechtuotojo špaga sublykčiojusi pragręžė apvalų arbūzą
Incurving fencer sword sparkled and perforated a round watermelon

Polish:
(each letter exactly once) Pójdźże, kiń tę chmurność w głąb flaszy!
Come on, drop your sadness into the depth of a bottle!

Italian:
"Quel fez sghembo copre davanti"
That slanted fez covers the front (without the foreign letters j, k, w, x, and y)

Hungarian
Egy hűtlen vejét fülöncsípő, dühös mexikói úr Wesselényinél mázol Quitóban.
An angry Mexican man, who caught his faithless son-in-law, is painting Wesselényi's house in Quito

Shoulbz jyou wanft to checkg out somne morev, clicka me, pdq on the X

8-)
sorry, its late.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Nov 20, 2008 07:31 UTC

.
''In an effort to protect the environment, Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using toilet paper should be introduced.

In a related story, don't ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow.'


8-)
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Nov 20, 2008 07:35 UTC

Check these out if you havent already.

Procrastination.
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=601

Can I have my my spider back.
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=599

8-)
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Nov 20, 2008 07:57 UTC

GHOTI spells fish.

Gh is pronounced "F" as in tough.(tuff)
O is pronounced "I" as in woman (wi min)
TI is pronounced "SH" as in nation.(na shun)

PT2
Someone has pointed out that according to the rules of grammar, the above is wrong, but
you "can" spell fish "phoche" (PHoto wOmen quiCHE), which better follows the rules of english.........

You may now get up off of the floor.

I only find this stuff, I didnt make it up.

8-)
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Dec 04, 2008 09:19 UTC

Serendipidy:

Now that summer is gone and winter approaches we all have some fond memories of the fun things that we did when the weather was warmer. Bbq's, beaches, summer shorts and T-shirts. Men watching the girls acting like they dont know the men are watching. Mall shopping = people watching. Kids fighting with those big ole air pressurized waterguns.

Supersoakers.

Image

Waterfights extarordinare. I have always wondered who was the crazy inventor of that crazy thing. He probably was a garage inventor working on saturdays for years untill he finally came up with something that worked and sold well. No way did that take a rocket scientist to make.

Uh, hold on a second there tough guy.

Believe it or not, the inventor of the Supersoaker "was" a rocket scientist. Lonnie Johnson was a NASA engineer when he came up with the idea for it. One story is that he was working on a antigravity toilet that would have operated on pressurized air when the idea that would make him rich hit him.

Serendipidy is when, "What you find, comes about when you are looking for something else".
I feel that there is no truer example of this.
Supersoaker inventor wiki
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:03 UTC

Check this out if you havent already:

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2008<----Link

8-)
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:03 UTC

Is there a quick test for attention deficit disorder?

No. Buffalo wings were named after Buffalo Ny and have nothing to do with cattle.





8-)
apologies if you heard this 1 b4. I have this disorder ya kno.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby babygrl » Thu Dec 11, 2008 17:31 UTC

BOO
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Thu Dec 11, 2008 20:34 UTC

I thought about Vogon in the shower today.
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Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby IriDeck » Fri Dec 12, 2008 15:35 UTC

Stacie wrote:I thought about Vogon in the shower today.

Really? So when are you repairing your shower, and how much are they going to charge you? :lol:
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