*** Off Topic posts II ***

Fun stuff

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Fri Dec 12, 2008 20:40 UTC

I try to avoid fits of rage that destroy my shower.

I just thought that I had lost my trolling place. But now I actually want to troll inside of the game.
Stacie
 
Posts: 832
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 19:22 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Spookycat » Fri Dec 12, 2008 22:38 UTC

74 years after her death it is still not safe to touch Marie Curie's personal effects and papers due to radiation exposure, even her cook books. They are all sealed in lead lined boxes and anyone touching them must use protective equipment.
User avatar
Spookycat
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2008 14:09 UTC
Location: Bob and Doug McKenzie land

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Mon Dec 22, 2008 08:59 UTC

If only he had looked above for help.

John list, a mild manered account fearing retribution from god/evil against his family because he was unable to support them, killed them instead to save their souls. He then changed his identity and escaped proscution while on the lam for 17 years.

He did this misguided action essentially because he was broke and didnt want his family to look bad in the eyes of society.

After he was caught, it was found that he wasnt as penniless as he thought.

After he was caught, the house again went under the eyes of scrutinity and even possibly sale (dont know where the proceeds would go).

Someone noticed that the house had a very colorful skylight. It turned out to be made of stained glass.

Out of curiositity someone decided to see it up close and after finding it in perfect condition had it appraised. It was an signed original Tiffany glass creation worth over one hundred thousand dollars. Beyond question enough to get Mr List out of debt.

If he had only looked above before his heinous act, his soul may have been saved.

Painfully true story.

:/
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Mon Dec 22, 2008 09:01 UTC

Not exactly.........

How nice to see you.

You didn't get our postcard?

There's plenty to eat.

You're looking well.

We were just speaking of you.

I don't want to hurt you.

I'm not saying this to hurt you.

I'm sure he was trying to reach you, but the phone was busy.

He'll call.

I'm doing this for your own good.

I'm sorry.

I was just going to call you.

That's just what I wanted: the perfect gift.

I'll wear it often.

I'm going to powder my nose.

We are so thrilled.

Of course I remember.

8-)
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Mon Dec 22, 2008 09:02 UTC

.
There is no word that rhymes with the word orange.

Doorhinge.

Lozenge.

8-)
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Mon Dec 22, 2008 09:13 UTC

Check these out if you havent already:

A list of really good, sometimes brilliant puns.

8-)
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sun Jan 04, 2009 06:21 UTC

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Chinese guy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park this car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return...

8-)
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Tue Jan 06, 2009 01:35 UTC

Did anyone get a private message asking them to join a new server?
Stacie
 
Posts: 832
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 19:22 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby AG » Tue Jan 06, 2009 01:45 UTC

Stacie wrote:Did anyone get a private message asking them to join a new server?


yeah.

wait... rail addicts -- is that that clan thing where all the people put =RA= in their name?
User avatar
AG
Former Admin
 
Posts: 2366
Joined: Mon Apr 14, 2008 18:25 UTC
Location: Texas
Favorite map: q3dm17
Server: INSTAKILL
Website: http://vogonhq.com

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Tue Jan 06, 2009 03:57 UTC

He: Whats the matter?

She: I stumbled on the stairs yesterday and now I feel sore all over.
...... Im sore here (touches forehead with finger)...ouch h h h.
...... Im sore here (touches arm with finger) .....owwww.
...... Here (touches elbow with finger).......owwww.
...... I feel sore everywhere I touch.

He: Boy. You sure are beat up. Let me see your hand.
...... (He checks her hand.)

She: Owwww, that really hurts bad.

He: Your finger is broken.

:)
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Stacie » Wed Jan 07, 2009 04:38 UTC

AbsolutGojira wrote:
Stacie wrote:Did anyone get a private message asking them to join a new server?


yeah.

wait... rail addicts -- is that that clan thing where all the people put =RA= in their name?

I'm not sure.
Stacie
 
Posts: 832
Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 19:22 UTC

Re: *** Off Topic posts II ***

Postby Dambastrd » Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:04 UTC

This is actually the text from a e-mail virus/ worm called the life stages.
This is not the worm,(I swear) but its actually kinda funny (when you're not infected.)

The male states of life:

Seduction Lines:
age 17: "My parents are away for the weekend."
age 25: "My girlfriend is away for the weekend."
age 35: "My fiancée is away for the weekend."
age 48: "My wife is away for the weekend."
age 66: "My second wife is dead."

Favorite sport:
age 17: Sex
age 25: Sex
age 35: Sex
age 48: Sex
age 66: Napping

Definition of a successful date:
age 17: Tongue
age 25: Breakfast
age 35: She didn't set back my therapy
age 48: I didn't have to meet her kids
age 66: Got home alive

The female stages of life:

Favorite fantasy:
age 17: Tall, dark and handsome
age 25: Tall, dark and handsome with money
age 35: Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
age 48: A man with hair
age 66: A man

Ideal date:
age 17: He offers to pay
age 25: He pays
age 35: He cooks breakfast next morning
age 48: He cooks breakfast next morning for the kids
age 66: He can chew his breakfast

(Your favorite witty summation here)

8-)
User avatar
Dambastrd
Former Admin
 
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 03:19 UTC

Previous

Return to Humor

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: CommonCrawl [Bot] and 0 guests